I would go to her for guidance. I wanted to dress like she did, talk like she did, and do everything she did. She was 15. At the time, I didn’t find the age gap bad, but an 11-year-old and a 15-year-old shouldn’t be doing the same things, if you see where I’m going with this. At first, it was great; we would hang out every day like no one else in the world mattered. Then everything started to change. My relationship with my family got horrible; I started fighting with every person I ever had a genuine relationship with. Everything started to fall apart, and I just couldn’t figure out why. I thought I knew exactly who I was, being her best friend. I was naive to the fact that I was being used like a rag doll.
About the same time, I met him. He brought out the absolute best in me. The “mean girl act” had finally dropped, and my relationships with other people started to fall back into place. I had my own thoughts and opinions on things and people, and I developed my own sense of humor, personality, and style. He helped me see how much control she had over me and the negative impact she had on my life. My friendship with her started to go downhill when I was in my highest element, figuring out myself and who I wanted to be in life, and she couldn’t even get started. I quickly started to realize the jealousy she had towards me. She wasn’t ready for the growth, but I was.
Both of these relationships have been crucial in my life: One, to help me see that even friendships can be toxic, and the other, to help me figure out who I am. And it’s not a surprise. Mental health experts at the Newport Academy say that “teenage relationships can help adolescents practice communication skills and build their identity and sense of self.”
I give great appreciation and the most credit to my high school relationship experiences. I feel no one truly develops into their true selves until they have been in a relationship, because it teaches you so many things about yourself. You are almost forced to think for yourself, plan out your own decisions, and really take control of your life and emotions. Relationships help you learn deep communication skills, how compromise with one another, how to have empathy and solidifying others values in life, and learn self-awareness, which allows adolescents to recognize patterns and cycles within themselves, so they can see if their behavior is contributing to issues.
They also allow us to reflect on our actions and decide how to approach situations differently. Teenage writer Anoushka Samant, in an opinion piece for her high school paper The Phoenix, wrote that “High school dating prepares you for college and adulthood by exposing you to a variety of personalities, traits, and lifestyles while also helping you discover your own identity, a conflict many teenagers struggle with. It also makes it easier to develop healthy, long-lasting relationships later in life by enforcing positive habits and important qualities like trust, communication, responsibility, and respect, which are essential in relationships.”
Teenage relationships are very real, and it’s a lot deeper than just sex or anything most grown-ups believe it to be. It’s the intimacy between the souls that sparks every time one feels a certain way, such as sad and anxious or happy and enthusiastic. The share of emotion, concern, and the beautiful way it’s all so innocent and everything said is really from the heart, not just some words you’ve said too many times to count. And in the case of romantic relationships, the experts at betterhelp.com note that while “many adults brush off teen relationships, believing that they’re inconsequential or unable to stand the test of time…romantic connections between teenagers can be formative, instructive, fulfilling, and valuable whether or not they last over the long term, and some may.”
Teens should experience being in relationships, and it is rather a good thing to go through failure and success on your own in order to become your true self. I see that adults should understand how important relationships can be for teens and young adults by allowing them to experience and figure out who and what they are on their own. For me, it might’ve been hard to realize how much she put me through, but it was easier to find myself once I found him. Having these relationships helped me have to think and make crucial life decisions on my own, which was crucial to the development of the person I am today. None of us know exactly who we are, but we have each other to figure it out.