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A Real Story of Fake History

A Civilization V Review

Luke Adelhoch, Entertainment Editor

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Disclaimer: The events in this “story” may or may not have happened.

One of history’s greatest heroic stories is the  battle for Japan fought by the evil alliance of the United States of America and India against the unstoppable force of justice formed by the combined nations of Morocco and Persia. The latter two, led by Sultan Ahmad al-Mansur and Emperor Darius I, had built capital cities at Sendai and Aomori respectively, beginning the path to their peaceful rule that they would enact by force upon the entirely demilitarized island of Japan, at first only meeting resistance from apparently endless groups of nameless barbarians.

But the legions of doom led by the Grand Emperor George Washington and the violent warlord Mahatma Gandhi laid in wait, unseen by the forces of peace and love as they fought their own barbarian problems. Eventually, brave Moroccan scouts found Washington’s growing empire at Hiroshima. Darius I focused on spreading his great golden cities across the north, eventually looking for more lands on the island of Hokkaido, an earthly paradise. But alas, this hope was crushed as his navy sailed along the coast… and discovered Gandhi had already claimed it for himself, ruling with an iron fist. The forces of good and evil had finally met.

Peace was not a possibility and borders quickly needed to be closed. But Gandhi sought to expand on Persia’s borders, not willing to share the island. And he knew that his future was in the atomic bomb, something that he would surely be able to develop and use if left to his own devices on the island. The brave Darius I knew he could not let his foe create such a horrible invention, and declared a righteous war against Gandhi.

Darius led two daring wars against Gandhi, plunging his blades deep into the heart of the warlord’s elephant-fueled armies until the forces of India were driven from Hokkaido at last. While he was able to escape with a few boats, he would never truly menace the world again. It was the end of an era.

But at Hiroshima, another war was raging across the land. When Persia defeated Gandhi’s ravenous hordes, it sparked something in the sword-wielding iron legions of Washington. They began a process of rapid expansion, seeking to devour Morocco’s frontiers and borderlands. Morocco, of course, proceeded to launch brave counterattacks to reclaim what was theirs until Washington was forced to pull back to the imperial city he had named after himself.

With Gandhi out of the way, Persia was able to march south to aid their allies in the final battle against Washington. Darius sent many troops to surround the city’s borders while George desperately tried to rebuild his defenses. But he was met on all sides by the forces of justice and soon his city fell, saving the nation of Japan once and for all. The end.

Well, not really. This wasn’t just a story I pulled out of thin air, it was a game of Civilization V (with all expansion packs and DLC installed) that I played with a friend about a week before writing this article. And this is a review. Because I think the fact that the game can leave me with such a memorable story is certainly enough to warrant a recommendation. Between this, the rise and fall of the third world nation of Wome, the time the Huns destroyed Mayan civilization before inventing the sword, and the Chad Church’s status as the state religion of China and Babylon, this game has left me with countless memories after only about a month of gameplay. So, if you want a strategy game that will keep you engaged for a very long time and one that you can play with friends, I’d say this is worth a buy.

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A Real Story of Fake History